Deep Stuff

Hi again. Last night I woke up sometime after going to sleep and my normal wake up time, and found -to my surprise- that I had been struck by the muse. I reached for a pen and paper and scribbled this down. Just a warning: it's deep, very stream-of-conscious, and virtually unedited.

Lately I've been thinking. Mainly about myself and where I am. When I left high school way back in 1999, is this where I wanted to be? Am I living my dream? Honestly, I can't remember a damn thing about what I 'wanted to be' when I was in year 12.

For the past few weeks (in fact, for most of the semester) at uni, we've analysed terrible events such as the South American 'dirty wars', the Vietnam-American War, Cambodian killing fields, and Mexican Revolutions. These events resulted in hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of deaths, torture, and other human rights abuses. It's all left me with a feeling of uneasiness about humanity. But for the the testimonies I've read, and all the vision I've watched, I still don't feel 'connected' to it. It's all too big and distant. As Stalin once said, "One death is a tragedy, one million is a statistic."

I've never been to South America, and my South East Asian experience is limited to Thailand. But I have visited Dachau Concentration Camp just outside Munich. It's an eerie, cold place. Very plain. As I walked through the sleeping quarters, the gas chambers, and on to the ovens where bodies were burnt, I was filled with an uneasy dread. But I still couldn't 'connect'. I'm a 29-year old white male uni student who lives in Melbourne- what's there to connect? Then it struck me...

...uni students were persecuted. Teachers were persecuted. That's how I can connect. I imagined how I would feel if my uni friends and I were rounded up in our lectures to be taken away to an unknown location. Or what would happen if, when I am a teacher, my class is interrupted by my arrest. It's uncanny and far-fetched, but it's a connection.

So back to my original question and point. It took me twelve years from high school to realise I wanted to be a teacher. I love writing, and that will always be my first love and dream, but teaching is important.

I don't only want to teach the 'things' of history. Dates, events, names. I want to teach students how to love history like I do, why it's important. Hopefully they'll understand.

Here comes another diversion- forgive me, it's late/early.

I don't open up much, most of my friends know that. In fact, most of my feelings are covered up by stupid jokes and crude humour. It's me. Deal with it.  But as I was writing about all that bad stuff above, I got thinking again. What would I lose if I got 'taken away'? (don't read too deeply into this, my friends).
I'm not exactly rolling in money. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have any significant possessions of worth to anyone but me. Amongst all that depressing stuff of what I don't have, I clearly saw what I do have:

A terrific family. Awesome friends, many from high school, but new ones from uni/work/around. A place of my own. I go to uni every day to study things I'm passionate about with people I love. I have a job. A car. A bike. The Internet. An iPhone. 2 Computers. A giant TV and Wii (thanks Liam!). PS3 (no network connected yet....). A comfy (but lonely) bed. An almost limitless supply of food and alcohol. Hot water. And the freedom to do (almost) anything I want. It's a lot to lose...but also a lot to fight for. That's what makes me so lucky, I guess.

It's super late/early now, and my muse has almost dried up. I lost the point a while back, so sorry about that. And I don't think I have one joke in here. That's a first for me. Tim andTim will return soon with more outrageous adventures. This is a rare occasion where they working together.

Stay safe and happy,

Tim