Don't regret those things you regret not doing.

Someone once said, “You should never regret the things you do. Only regret the things you don’t do.” I don’t know who actually is quoted as saying that, but it’s one of those sayings that has stuck in my head. And it’s pure bullshit. I liken it to that other saying, “Live every day as if it’s your last.” Sure, the intention is there, but you can’t really apply it to every day life. For those people that do take these two quotes seriously, try this one on for size: “Everyone really should put their face into a blender at least once in their life.” Go ahead, I guarantee it’ll be a life changing experience.

But back to the topic at hand. One of the problems I have with the ‘regret’ quote is that it doesn’t really mean anything. It has good intentions, telling the reader/listener/stooge that you should basically try everything once, and even if it goes poorly you shouldn’t regret it. But what about Johnny the Murderer, does he regret killing his mum in the bath with a toaster? Maybe he doesn’t regret not killing her? Or what about Susie who was caught going 150kmph in a 40 school zone. I bet she regrets NOT going 40. So it kind of works if you twist the logic around and make it fit.

Now, about me. I can’t really say I have any huge regrets. Sure, there are times when I wished I had said something sooner, or done something, or NOT said anything at all. But very few of those moments weigh down on my conscience and stop me from living my mundane every day life. My biggest downfall as a human being (sounds serious!), is not being able to tell those closest to me how I feel. I guess it’s all very psychological and there’s some part of my brain that has a terrible fear of rejection, to the point that I’ll just ‘go along’ with everything without saying anything at all. Or I’m a big chicken. I like to think it’s a combination of both, and that my actions say more than words ever could (how poetic). But nice words are awesome.

So, next time you see me –in the flesh, NOT on Facebook- we can have a chat! Or not, if that kind of stuff scares you. We can be scared together.

If you’re wondering what kind of ‘motto’ I live by, well, I can’t really say. But one that has always stuck in my head was said by Hillel the Elder, a Jewish religious leader from 100BC. “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” That last bit is awesome. (I have included a rare photo of Hillel the Elder below).

Until next time, keep watching the ski(e)s.



Below: Hillel the Elder.

Haiku!

Here's some Haiku I wrote today in Creative Writing. It was 8am on a Monday :)

1.
My heart is empty
Like a dried up river bed
Waiting for the rain.

2.
The fog of Winter
Covers all the worlds beauty.
Soon the Sun will rise.

3.
How to put on clothes:
Shirt, pants, scarf, gloves, jumper.
Oh no! It's Summer!


My attempt at Tanka isn't worth posting. And don't get me started on Clerihew and Double Dactyls!

Where Have All The Holidays Gone?

“Where have all the holidays gone?”

I’m sitting on my couch, my MacBook perched neatly on my lap, my belly full of chicken schnitzel, and my television set to “OFF” after I nearly caught myself watching ‘My Strange Addiction’ (tonight’s episode featured a girl who couldn’t stop buying shoes, and another who couldn’t stop eating her hair follicles). Riveting viewing for those people who have the mental capacity of a shoehorn.

Facebook ™ is alive with my fellow ACU’ers coming to grips that on Monday morning at 8am, we’ll all be back for a twelve-week semester. Booklists are being read and priced, lecturers are being judged, and pub sessions are being planned (well, they SHOULD be!). But with holidays now just a mere 13 weeks away, my mind casts back to the past ten weeks. What have I been up to? Where did I go? And how did I get here (or there, depending on where I am now and where I began)? Stupid questions really, and I know the answers to all of them.

Casting my mind back to sometime in…May…? I think that’s when the holidays started. There was an exam on 19^th Century Literature one day. I think I did well. I wrote on Frankenstein and Dracula, and how they related to science and technology. Maybe, I can’t really remember. The important thing is that I was there and I passed. Hot chocolate followed, I definitely remember that. We crammed into some chocolate place in Melbourne Central…there were pancakes and strawberries involved. But Goddamn, that hot chocolate was good.

Oh, now I remember. Camp was the next day! That was a lot of fun. I don’t think I slept for 4 days, and apparently I had ‘crazy eyes’ (probably not the best personalised description about a leader on a kids camp), but that didn’t stop the kids jumping all over me and singing endless songs about gibberish. Who knew entertaining kids would be so fun and easy…yet so very tiring. After the second day I hit the wall and from then on everything went kind of fuzzy. Fun times, and YES, I’m going back! 

A trip over to New Zealand followed (read/see all about it on my previous blog post), which was totally amazing (“totes amaze”?). Written words can’t express my joyous feelings about New Zealand, so next time we meet up, lend me your ear(s) and I’ll talk them off.

There was work throughout (but I won’t talk about the ABC on a public forum). Ask me about it after I’ve had a Scotch or two.  Murdoch’s empire is on the brink of collapse, but that has little to do with me. I’ll wait for South Park or The Simpsons to do a parody before I pass judgement.

Movies? Haven’t seen any for a while. Still waiting to see Harry Potter, it’s getting to the point where everyone is talking about it and it’s getting hard to avoid the banter. Captain America looks entertaining; it has Tommy Lee Jones in it, which makes me want to see it. Green Lantern? Meh, doesn’t do anything for me, and the trailer leaves me confused. Hell, if you can’t summarise a film in two minutes, you got problems. Plus Ryan Reynolds will always be that skinny nerdy guy from Two Guys and a Girl.

And so here I sit. Writing about nothing in particular. If you’re still here, great! If not, then go fuck yourself. It’s ok, you won’t read this. So where have all the holidays gone? Well it’s a stupid question, like asking ‘where did yesterday go’? Yesterday didn’t go anywhere. It’s stationary. The man made construct of time passed it by and now we have today. So the holidays haven’t gone anywhere. I’ve moved (physically and through time), and the holidays have been discarded and forgotten like a newborn ginger baby in a dumpster behind a hospital.

I’ll try and write more stuff between now and whenever. Hopefully with some good writing that’s useful and entertaining. I feel like I’ve added to the crap pile of the Internet blogsphere, but hey, at least it’ll be buried beneath all the other crap that people think is so important that everyone else must read it. I don’t have any of those ‘holier than thou’ writers’ hang-ups. I’m not trying to change the world, or impose my ‘art’ on to you. I write because I like it and it’s fun. And hopefully one day someone will pay me for it.

Take care, and see you wherever.

Tim 

Ancient Rome and Middle Earth

Hey hey it's been a while! I'm not apologising for my laziness. I'm on uni holidays and after a hard 12 week semester, I deserved a rest. Maybe not. But I'm lazy anyway.

I spent 5 days visiting my mate Liam in Auckland. As you probably know, he's a thespian who has just been cast in the title role in the new series of Spartacus. Well done! As part of the whole deal, I got to spend a couple of days on set with him. Unfortunately cameras/recording devices were not allowed, so I don't actually have any photos. And I'm not allowed to speak of anything I saw on the set (well, anything that could be construed as a 'spoiler'). However, the producers did fail to wipe my memory, so I have drawn a pretty good picture of what it was like on set.

Speaking of Hobbits, I also visited Hobbiton (or the Peter Jackson version of it anyway). I did take photos, but can't show them publicly. Once again, I have created some images using my extensive artistic skills to recreate my experience amongst the land of the Hobbits.

Enjoy!

 The above image is me and Gandalf outside Bag End.

 This image is of Bilbo's Party Tree.

Taken directly from the set of Spartacus.

I'll be back soon for more writings. There will probably be something more creative than this. I guarantee it.

Internet Memes and stuff

Hi again. Hope you enjoyed the latest Tim andTim. It's okay I think.

I was in need of a good laugh the other night, and stumbled upon a great new online comic. It's new to me, but I believe it's quite old. Anyway, now it's an Internet Meme called ffffuuuuuuu comics (fu = fuck you), rage comic, or rage meme. Basically it's about all the little shit that annoys you, usually ending in a crudely drawn picture of the fffuuuuu guy. I love it. Check it out on the link below (remember to right-click and open in new tab/window).

Tim

ffffffuuuu comic

Episode #2: 11th May 2011

Because it's cold now, this is about me and my hot water bottle.

Tim: Brrr. Cold!

andTim: HOT WATER BOTTLE!!!!

I put the kettle on and wait patiently in the kitchen with my empty hot water bottle.


Tim: Mmmm. By the time the kettle boils, I would probably already have been asleep and therefore forgotten how cold it was.

andTim: Pffft. It's on now.

Tim: I should get one of those microwave ones. Like the heat packs. That would be nice.

andTim: Yes. And then your transition to a full blown sissy would be complete. It's bad enough you have a hot water bottle.

Tim: Or I could just share my bed....two 36.8 equals 73.6 That's toasty!

andTim: ...our conversation is over.

Kettle boils!


Tim: HOT WATER BOTTLE!!!!

Deep Stuff

Hi again. Last night I woke up sometime after going to sleep and my normal wake up time, and found -to my surprise- that I had been struck by the muse. I reached for a pen and paper and scribbled this down. Just a warning: it's deep, very stream-of-conscious, and virtually unedited.

Lately I've been thinking. Mainly about myself and where I am. When I left high school way back in 1999, is this where I wanted to be? Am I living my dream? Honestly, I can't remember a damn thing about what I 'wanted to be' when I was in year 12.

For the past few weeks (in fact, for most of the semester) at uni, we've analysed terrible events such as the South American 'dirty wars', the Vietnam-American War, Cambodian killing fields, and Mexican Revolutions. These events resulted in hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of deaths, torture, and other human rights abuses. It's all left me with a feeling of uneasiness about humanity. But for the the testimonies I've read, and all the vision I've watched, I still don't feel 'connected' to it. It's all too big and distant. As Stalin once said, "One death is a tragedy, one million is a statistic."

I've never been to South America, and my South East Asian experience is limited to Thailand. But I have visited Dachau Concentration Camp just outside Munich. It's an eerie, cold place. Very plain. As I walked through the sleeping quarters, the gas chambers, and on to the ovens where bodies were burnt, I was filled with an uneasy dread. But I still couldn't 'connect'. I'm a 29-year old white male uni student who lives in Melbourne- what's there to connect? Then it struck me...

...uni students were persecuted. Teachers were persecuted. That's how I can connect. I imagined how I would feel if my uni friends and I were rounded up in our lectures to be taken away to an unknown location. Or what would happen if, when I am a teacher, my class is interrupted by my arrest. It's uncanny and far-fetched, but it's a connection.

So back to my original question and point. It took me twelve years from high school to realise I wanted to be a teacher. I love writing, and that will always be my first love and dream, but teaching is important.

I don't only want to teach the 'things' of history. Dates, events, names. I want to teach students how to love history like I do, why it's important. Hopefully they'll understand.

Here comes another diversion- forgive me, it's late/early.

I don't open up much, most of my friends know that. In fact, most of my feelings are covered up by stupid jokes and crude humour. It's me. Deal with it.  But as I was writing about all that bad stuff above, I got thinking again. What would I lose if I got 'taken away'? (don't read too deeply into this, my friends).
I'm not exactly rolling in money. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't have any significant possessions of worth to anyone but me. Amongst all that depressing stuff of what I don't have, I clearly saw what I do have:

A terrific family. Awesome friends, many from high school, but new ones from uni/work/around. A place of my own. I go to uni every day to study things I'm passionate about with people I love. I have a job. A car. A bike. The Internet. An iPhone. 2 Computers. A giant TV and Wii (thanks Liam!). PS3 (no network connected yet....). A comfy (but lonely) bed. An almost limitless supply of food and alcohol. Hot water. And the freedom to do (almost) anything I want. It's a lot to lose...but also a lot to fight for. That's what makes me so lucky, I guess.

It's super late/early now, and my muse has almost dried up. I lost the point a while back, so sorry about that. And I don't think I have one joke in here. That's a first for me. Tim andTim will return soon with more outrageous adventures. This is a rare occasion where they working together.

Stay safe and happy,

Tim

Episode #1: 2nd May 2011

Tim: Oh my God! Did you hear the news?

andTim: Yeah, it’s great!!!

Tim: Gre...what?? No, it’s terrible!

andTim: Terrible? Finally that crazy son-of-a-bitch got what he deserved.

Tim: He’s been eating up valuable space in the media for years, every morning people wake up fearing for their lives because of him. And now we’ve put him on a pedestal for the whole world to see.

andTim: ...but he’s dead....

Tim: Karl Stefanovic is dead?

 
Cue 'sad trombone'.

click here for sad trombone

The Blog Has Landed (remember to create a better title)

Hello. It's good to be on the blog circuit. This week I've also joined Twitter (#TimColumbus). Lord help me.

This blog will be my haven for a new series I've created called Tim andTim. Basically conversations between myself (Tim) and my other self (andTim). Sometimes things are topical and political, other times they'll be a collection of random words squashed together. Thank you and goodbye.